Some things have happened recently that have made me question my own nature recently. The actions that have spurred these trains of thought, are of my own, which disturbs me. Recently I've been feeling rather bad due to a combination of things, being moving, shaky employment, stressed living conditions, and generally no social life. I thought I was handling it well for the most part up until recently, but I guess I was wrong. Within the last week I've verbally lashed out at my family and ignored calls from my friends, and recently, acted like a complete ass online. For any of the involved parties reading this, all I can say is that I'm sorry, and I can understand if you wish to not speak with my from now on.

Right now I don't know what to do. I'm trying my best to make things better, but the lack of consistent work (I'm currently trying to earn money for housing and other things needed for my future teaching job), combined with this horrible feeling of hopelessness, I feel like my grasp is slipping. I just feel right now like everything will go wrong and there's so little point to moving in any direction at this moment, I just wish I could find something to help rekindle my spirit a bit more.

For now, I'll keep going, and hold on to the hope that Ill be able to make enough money for my job in time along with my student loans, and deal with the lack of social interaction as I have for this long time that I have already endured. Here's hoping for change, that this teaching job will help turn my life around, and maybe give my mistakes some past meaning. Until then, Ill count my blessings (I mean, I have a place to stay, food and family and a healthy body, some things many people don't have), and keep at it.

... in hindsight, this whole entry signifies my most emo point I've ever reached in my whole life, wonderful. lol.

Aww, screw it *publish*